Home is...

Well, it's the weekend after Thanksgiving. There's a common activity here at the condo amongst my neighbors....going into the storage area to retrieve their holiday decorations. The door...to it is right behind my kitchen window. Slam. Heh. It's one of those times when I actually see my neighbors.

This gets me to thinking how I manage most days to forget that I live in a building with oh I dunno 25 or 30 other people. We all have our own entrance. Our own little cave. I really tend to forget how close...mere feet...at times inches....other people..who I vaguely know...are carrying out their daily life....while I do the same...feeling as though I'm on my own little island.

This thought process really helps me to separate myself from this home....the thought of leaving it,selling it....is easier when I think of it in that bigger context...of being part of a larger whole....

The reality is that I can feel at home anywhere....it just takes some time and a little effort...and perhaps my longing to stay put in this home...is just laziness :)

I don't know how regional my local grocery chain is....but I was very pleased tonight to find that they are selling these bags for 99 cents a piece. They are perfectly made for their purpose. Now, I'm assuming that ya'll are either regular canvas bag users...or at least frequently try to remember to try...as am I.. These aren't canvas...i'm not sure what they are....some manmade material I believe.

These just look so perfect to try and entice people who normally don't think about saving a tree or two....99 cents! They hold 8 cans of soup and more without any trouble. Very nice.

It's the little things that excite me.

An Interesting.....thing.

Monday's are difficult days at work, motivationally speaking. This week my inspiration is "it's only a short week!" which did the trick for me today. My boss (my direct report..not the head honcho) was less motivated today. She has only been with us a matter of months. We get along because we are both inherently nice people and ...somewhat intelligent. She has really become disheartened by our workplace..the dynamics...etc.

Well this morning we shared a little bitch session of our discontentment. I made the confession that if I had a new employment option at the ready, I would be gone in a heartbeat. That goes against like all guidelines to seeking new employment...telling your boss that you wish you could leave! Thing is...she will keep that on the DL...and even sympathizes. I even...told her my intentions to become a pastor....I really wasn't expecting to share that!

I imagine she's a bit of an agnostic who is culturally Presbyterian(she's not from around here either)....she's had some difficult deaths in her family etc....so i imagine she struggles with the big questions in life. She's even said more recently when I talk about church/sundayschool/youthgroup stuff "what the heck are you doing here??". Out of concern for her I told her to call me anytime she feels stranded up here and miserable....she is way too nice to feel that way.

I dunno...that's all I wanted to share. I told my boss that i hate my job (or at least the dynamics at it) and want to become a pastor.

It felt good.

De-Lurk You!

I hear it's de-lurking week.
Feel free please, it'll make me feel special.

Children's Liturgy

Alright. There are a chunk of kids in our Sunday School who don't make it to our service...this has let me to want to extend our opening from a simple prayer to a little more....suggestions of what to include? verbage? etc.?

a pastor kind of day

My pal Lutherpunk posted about blog anonymity vs outing oneself blogwise. I have to confess to thinking about that a bit lately. I think I've held back some posts because they'd be too specific...but as LP says...it wouldn't take a brain surgeon to figure me out.

Meh, short of using names I'm just going to post on. (Scone on!)

I went to a funeral today. The wife of a retired pastor who has been serving our congregation a lot lately (doing supply as we sit in transition) passed away rather suddenly the other day. I don't know him incredibly well but I do speak with him, he's a sweet guy and it's a pleasure to have him at our table. We'd been emailing to set up a meeting for something...when I learned of what happened. He told me about the service and I felt compelled to go. I'm glad that I did. For him if anything else. I had not actually met his wife.

It was a beautiful service, nothing too big or anything....just right. It ended with A Mighty Fortress is Our God....I was particularly struck by the last line: "Were they to take our house, goods, honor, child, or spouse, though life be wrenched away, they cannot win the day. The kingdom's ours forever".

I think I've been wondering (but not stuck on) how I would be in dealing with having to preside at funerals as a pastor. Obviously such things are expected to be somewhat emotionally draining. I was reminded today that I actually function quite well in these situations...I go into comforting presence mode. I think now, yeah...I could handle it.

Naturally there were lots of clergy there, many of which I knew. At one point I found myself standing in a circle of about 6 or so people talking. I realized, hey...I'm the only one in this circle who's not wearing a collar...heh...and I'm going to do something about that. I think what actually struck me was that I felt comfortable in this company, as though I belong (which I truly believe I do).

Hey, remind me that applying for candidacy doesn't mean I have to move tomorrow morning....

I believe the word is "UGH!"

Okay, first of all thank you for the prayers. My friend is doing just incredibly better. (I forgot that was my last post and didn't give any updates)

Second. My situation at work has be degrading over time. Management is very selfish, stupid, uncompassionate, unfair, unbalanaced....the list goes on. We've already had two people bail. I've reached a point where I realize that...I'm simply miserable there.

I have never so adamently felt that this is not even remotely what I wish to do with my life. I know you're thinking "but RuthRE....you already decided that you wanted to become a pastor (which would be a big difference)....why does this seem like something new to you?" Well....I don't want to become a pastor simply because I hate my current job...so naturally I worry that people might actually think that *was* some of my reasoning.

It's just been a strong dose of perspective. That some things are life decisions. I think not enough people give themselves enough credit....that they could do something else....or that they are allowed to enjoy their life. To me enjoying my life is to live it for others....not for the corporate bottom line.

So....new "to-do" list:
Apply for candidacy.
Find different job to pay the bills while I wait.....but not for a couple weeks while i get some dental work done :)